so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
