There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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