He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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