it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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