My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
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There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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