Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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