So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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