just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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