Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there was a trapeze. enough said
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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