walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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