she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
