Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
People in love make me want to vomit
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize