she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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