Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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