I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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