You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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