ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Houston, we have a blender
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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