I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
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i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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