Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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