She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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