I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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