i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
