Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
