At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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