it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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