I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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