we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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