You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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