her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
