I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
