Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
