There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
