did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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