drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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