it hurts more in the daytime
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He better not be in your backpack
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
