I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I fill condoms, not promises.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
