Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
