Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
