go do what you do best...puke behind churches
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
