Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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