im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
