my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
its liver damage thursday
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
