nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
home. puking in laundry basket.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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