God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
