Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
