Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
