Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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