This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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