loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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