I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
