Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
