you guys were way drunker than both of me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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