You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
