My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize