Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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