Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
