Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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