I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
