We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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