that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
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You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
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Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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