my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize