i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
