Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
