I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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