Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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